Oct. 19th, 2K6:7:20pm "elucidate"

Okay, this is going to be crossposted lj/tripod wise. That's just how we do. Yes, it has been more than a year for the Tripod site, and half a year for the Livejournal. I nearly typed Lovejournal there, hahah! Anyways, that's not the point. The point is, even though I haven't updated much, it doesn't mean I haven't been doing things with my life.

The biggest of all has been moving out to Vancouver, away from Edmonton (and the parents in Stony Plain). It's different out here in so many ways, and yet, not so much. The only really big difference is the amount of people. It's ialways so fucking busy. There's greenery and hippies and yuppies and indier-than-thou kids, the latter as evinced by such paragons of indie cred like Vice Magazine. Maybe I'm just a little bitter at people that try to be too cool for school, and at Dean for buying into it (Okay okay, maybe because he has them strewn everywhere. They are sometimes funny.)

Where was I? Oh yeah, the 'Couv. I've enjoyed the practically endless summer, and now it's just starting to rain. We (Dean, Mark, Zach, and I) had to move from Dean's old place, where he had lived for the past 5 years, to our new digs, inviting the voluptuous Jessica (girlfriend and confidante) to come live with us. It's exciting and odd and new, and we're not on a lease, so there's not much danger if housemates want to leave (or like Zach the American, eventually must leave). Don't worry, our roomates are cool, though.

I miss my mother and brother and Bill and Chris L. And every single transplanted Whitecourt-to-Edmontonian there is. And those Jeremy and Jarrett and Sara people as well (in addition to having some stuff come out of the blue about René). It's just something I had to do, okay? I'll come back some day. I'm liking Vancouver, but the pace and the multitude of different groups of people out here are intimidating at times.

Jessica is... well, she's very, very caring. She's going to start baking (for myself, as well as her, and us alone, dammit) soon! She's got her school and work and gets to bitch about both of them to me, which I take in stride as I chauffer her around nowadays. It's a pretty decent tradeoff. I like it. She also puts up with my gasiness. Which is nice. Things are going well, and I hope it ain't the Honeymoon Phase still. I still can't be terribly serious about it, but now that we are living together, it gives us a nice base to keep our lives stable with, through being broke and having her family be distant emotionally, and mine physically. It works and is the best thing for now and I love her for her.

I was inspired to write this post by my boredom (get to that in a sec), and by rereading almost my entire catalog of posts on the Tripod site. I think I'm about half a year late, but ever since I had to create a website back in 1996, I've had the Tripod site. That makes it more than 10 years I have been on the internets. It's so strange to see how much has changed since then. Everybody has blogs or portals or aggregators and RSS feeds now, or gets dugg or delicious'd, myspace or livejournal, or just sticks to forums (me, mostly). It's nice to still have simple HTML page to dump my thoughts to.

And that's all my site has really been, with some bits of writing and the long dead comic here and there. I realize how goofy my style is, and at times it's endearing, and at others, annoying. Almost all of it is spur of the moment though, so that can be forgiven. Still, I have my loves and hates, rants and raves, story ideas and greater plans... The more things change, eh. That, and I still am between jobs. Always between. I mean, I don't want a career path laid out for me or nuthin, but it would be nice to work at and realize a lot of the things I've been working toward these past years. Something to show for more my pursuits, my passions, instead of the litany of events promulgated by circumstance.

Yeah, yeah, I'm a damned English major. That all being said, I want to focus on games and writing for now. Short stories and narratives and design ideas, mostly. Comic ideas and scripts and such can come later, or be off to the side. I can't not write in my life, and I can't not be intrigued by playing, gaming, designing. That's simply the way my life has to go. Things like food and travel can dovetail into that, because that's the Living side to the Doing of the other pursuits. It can be done. It will be done.

Speaking of which, there's a new story I started in the summer having to do with Storms of "Outage" fame, and another which is wholy new and has to do with societies in a post-post apocalypse and is of indefinite length.

Hallowe'en is also coming up, and I can't wait to carve me up some pumpkins! And decorate. And I should really figure out a costume this year, as the last two years I don't think I even dressed up, even though it's my favorite time of year :/

Other than that, nothing new besides munching cheap food at Duffins and playing a lot of GTA lately. Oh, and watching HBO dramas such as Deadwood and The Wire, because they are seriously that fucking good.

Thanks for making it to the end, folks. You can exit the ride now.

i crossed the ocean for a heart of gold

 

August 27th, 2K5:1:47am "reflect"

Gods, it's been so long.

Every fall is so very different, and yet they all feel the same.

It is not fall here, not yet. But you can feel it. You can taste it on the wind, see it in the trees, it is fast approaching. The night is already chilly enough that smart people should wear sweaters, and most people don't. This span of time, from the end of August to the wintry depths of December, it is a special time. My time. From as far back as my 8th birthday, it has always been mine to hide, consider, create, revel, and breathe in.

I can feel it already.

This fall, I am working out near the mountains though, and I don't know if it will be much the same at all. I am thankful for the money, that is a given, but I don't know... I am not in any form of school for once (except for that year I took off and was working and then quit halfway in because the fall was too strong for me), and being in the middle of nowhere, stuck in the frost makes it seem so distant... I don't know. I should be playing Super Nintendo, taking swimming lessons, going to writing classes, carving pumpkins, and seeing all my classmates for the new term/year.

I want to apply to game companies, for anything they'll let me do. Well, almost anything. Would I move to the States? For a year or two, for sure. I think I'm ready and at that point. I love Canada, and it is my true home, but there's always something else.

This night has me thinking, so much. It has been an interesting day. Here is my itinerary, for the day that was, that had me thinking so much:

-Slept in for 4 hours, got up at 10am. I know.
-Ate, sat at the computer catching up on stuff.
-Mom and Nick showed up around noon to talk and cajole me into going to the clinic for my foot. I was just tired and wanted to catch up on more shit, so I stayed here.
-Ended up talking to almost everyone online/on phone. Aaron, Wonderful Jess, Mark, Chris B.
-Had a few hours of "Ben Time."
-Showered just in time for Nick to back to my place, telling me of the football game that was on.
-Dinner at Harvey's and then some riding around.
-Stopped over at Chris B's place to plan the night, drank Corona's, played Halo 2 (haven't done that in like a month), rather badly, I'm sad to say.
-Drove over to Playful Tara's where her entire block's sidewalk was being ripped up for new sewer pipe. I notice a lot more construction these days, or more of the process behind it. Being involved in one type certainly applies to many others.
-Drove down to Whyte, to a crazy Polish girl's house, drank some more, met some more of her crazy Polish friends, witnessed a lot of sexiness in dresses.
-Walked out down Whyte over to the Fringe festival around 11pm, not realizing that it was still on. I wanted to stay and watch the last night activities and grab some more food, but everyone else was determined to do the same old shit. Go to a shitty, cramped dance club/bar and drink/dance/watch people dance.
-I stayed in line for about 15 minutes, talking with the girls and Nick and Chris, then decided there's more to life than waiting at the whim of a bouncer and sitting breathing smoke from the cancer clinics that are on the sidewalks (you can't smoke inside nowadays, so all the smokers stand directly outside the establishment doors) and jumped the rope to get out. Nobody followed.
-Had some pretty decent, pricey East Indian food. Safron Rice with Butter Chicken, Veggies, and a whole piece of Naan bread. Watched some street musicians and wandered around the back streets of Strathcona in a stupor.
-I also made the mistake of wandering around the Whyte proper, among all the BarStars and University Pre-Freshmen, all waiting to move in, to make their mark, snobs and trash and addicts and drunken revellers, all doing the same shit that has gone on since there has been streets to stumble down. I was upset at the gang for doing the same thing as always instead of trying something else, something yearly, something interesting.
-Then I walked the long trail to the University, bought a crappy cookie and an awesome root beer from a Mac's, and took the second last train home.
-On the train, I read an article in the VUE weekly about Kristjana Gunnars' latest writings: a collection of short stories and a collection of essays on writing. It made me think and led me to typing all this massive shit out right now. I missed her first class and after that, missed maybe one or two, which in my entire post-secondary career, is an impressive thing. I thought about when I was called her teacher's pet, and when I last saw her, leaving her in the dank underbelly of The Library (now Scholar's) pub on campus, seeing her and her aging, slightly confused face among all her new and learning writers, as she retired and fled back to the west coast. Maybe I had some small influence on her writings these past two years. I was most definitely not the first official student to seek her advice, but I was probably the last. It's odd, to think of it.
-Now I am here, super tired and musing on writing, life, the night, and the fall. And in the back corner of my head, women.

Tomorrow will be an interesting day. Computer work and movies and storie and phone calls to be done. Here's to it.

Also, it was René's birthday on Thursday. She is 25 and still bringing the sass. Happy birthday, sassypants. I know, I know. I can't help it. Heart, Ben.

I went out to find some light.

 

July 8th, 2K5:12:41am "mourning"

So of course, after I feel all whiny and melancholy, some assholes decide to blow up pieces of London yesterday morning. Puts things into perspective, doesn't it.

Don't give them what they want. Don't give them the fear.

Mourn the loss.

 

July 7th, 2K5:2:58am "rainfall"

Yeah, yeah I know. I've been updating my LiveJournal instead, for some damn reason. Because it's easier? I don't know. Not really. I never really figured out how to make sites the way all my webdev folks 'in the know' did. I just looked at some source, and played around with CSS, and manually add in all my new post headers and whatnot, along with the text.

It seems to have worked well enough for about five years.

So, here is something for you.

Today is...

Today is a sadness that will not leave
Today is melancholic wondering
Today is something you can't take with you,
and a longing that stays unfed.

Today you look at secret pictures
Sigh
And reminisce.
You remember strands of hair,
And slow breathing patterns.

Today you want the words to come,
Form gravitas,
For the one to care,
For your world to continue.

But today it settles in you
And today your sadness stays.

i'm sorry i know that's a strange way to tell you

 

Oct. 28th, 2K4:12:29am "wanted"

So. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas is out. Woo!

I'm also really fucking tired.

The next part is some heart-bleeding stuff, not too serious mind, but it's about women, so don't say I didn't warn you.

Her name is Lisa and none of you know who she is.

The first time I ever saw her, she was the only other person in the room with me and I just smiled, nodded, and didn't say a goddamn word.

I only ever see her once a week, and despite that, I have cultivated this completely irrational infatuation with her. It's been mild thus far, but lately, I've been wondering.

She has dark hair with highlights. She wears respectable, professional-looking skirts often. She wears black often. Today she was wearing black knee-high boots. She has nice, small ears, and little dark eyes, and an ever-so-slight gap between her teeth. She's a Russian languages student, but I suspect she's an English minor as well.

I've talked to her once thus far, in my nerdy way. About school. That's about it. I'm not looking for anything, really, I just want an opportunity to talk. To get in her head, bounce around, explore someone I have no clue about. Today I thought maybe I could ask to do that, but the scheme of our class was turned around today, and so I was unable to.

I doubt she even really registers my existence. Maybe she has a boyfriend. Maybe she prefers chicks. Who knows? Who even cares? I find myself (foolishly?) attracted, but all I really want to do is talk - alleviate my hermitty nature and just find someone who's from 'out there' that I can get to know, without any other pretense.

I don't even know if she's the kind of girl I would remotely like or if she's the kind of person I intrinsically classify and assign a certain level of hate to.

Sigh. I just need balls. And creativity. And maybe, just maybe, not to mumble when I'm speaking to others.

welcome to the jungle

 

Sept. 4th, 2K4:6:46pm "wed"

Okay, so here's the promised follow-up update. The last two days have been a pretty big rush of a blur of a ton of events. So, here's my log, as best as I can remember.

Thursday the 2nd - First thing's first: It rained nearly all weekend. Cold, steady, drizzly rain. Shortly after updating the site, I get ready to go to Red Deer (more in a bit), as Jarrett and Sara are coming to pick me up. I start playing GTA3 and wait for the phone to ring so I can buzz them up. Someone starts knocking at the door and it's an old lady I don't know. Apparently it was a neighbour coming to tell me that there were some kids in the lobby trying to get a hold of me. Yeah. Anyway, the 'kids' had already made their way up since Josh got the phone (since he's never off the fucking thing). I give Jarrett his Invader Zim Volume 2 and play some more GTA3.

It's in the midst of me causing police to chase me and beating hookers with baseball bats that Jarrett says 'We're getting married'. He said it so calmly at first that I didn't even register it. Then I just called bullshit on it. He pointed to Sara's ring and I just kind of sloughed it off.

But of course it hit as we were leaving. My friend I've known since I was five is getting married. To someone he's only known for a few months. What. The. Fuck.

In the car, they both explained it to me and talked about their rationale and Jarrett opened up (which is unusual) and he had such a hard time explaining, and yet I could see why he would make that choice. Despite my jaded and flawed view of relationships/marriage/et al, I know that they will be different enough to make it work. They're planning it for next June. I hope they stick it out till then. I love my friend, and I really do support him. *ahem* Yes.

So we go down to Grant's because he's going to Red Deer, grab some food, and they tell him, as well. He took it pretty calmly, and off we went!

We got into Red Deer at about 11pm, met the 'other guy', Tyler, the pretty neat roomate guy, and watched Zim till the three roomies went to sleep. Sara's got a crazy feng shui thing going on in the house (since she's part Chinese and all), and so all the drains have to be clogged up and shit. Anyways, me and Grant watched more Zim, then went and walked to get Frosters (Slurpee things), then came back and beat Mario 3 the quick way. Then I slept on Jarrett's pretty good futon. Then we got woken up four hours later.

Friday the 3rd - So, although Jarrett worked in the morning, he got off early (6-10am), as we were getting up. Getting up to the crazies. You see, Jarrett lives right next to the Michener center, where all the handies live. Everyone got good to go (except Tyler, he wasn't involved this time, sadly), and we took off to good old Red Deer College. Sara went to her classes as I ran into Andrea from OLVC, which was... interesting. I forgot her name, which was a shame. Me and Jarrett and Grant wandered the college, which had changed just enough in three years to creep me out. We sat in the new Far Side for a bit, then sat in the new Forum waiting for Sara and playing card games.

Apparently Sara is something of a good person, so around 2pm, when we were supposed to go, she helped a new girl in her program who was in a bad spot around the college, the new library, etc. So, once that was done we went to go get Sara's older CD deck installed in their new Hyundai with a shittier CD deck. While this was all going on, we had to secretly phone Dean, who had been in Calgary since arriving on the bus from Vancouver in the morning, and arrange how we were going to meet him. We hung out at Bower Place for a bit while that was going on, where Grant bought his ticket to the concert in Calgary.

So, finally, we packed up the Accent and rode off!

I like Calgary. It has a decent-sized downtown unlike Edmonton, and many, many hamster-tubelike pedways. It's also very flat. We met Dean at a downtown mall, and surprised the shit out of Jarrett, which was awesome. We ate and headed off to the UofC, where the concert was.

So, we all get ready after we park and start walking off to go see the Motherfucking Killswitch Engage Concert. Except that school was in, there was like five different things happening Friday night on campus. All the lame fucks were at a pseudo toga party in the University bar, while all the crazy looking bastards and hot hot gothy chicks were upstairs waiting for the concert. So of course, Dean, wearing short pants, decides that once we're at the ticket takers, we should run the five blocks back to the car to change clothes. Gah. So we did, and got back just minutes before Autumn to Ashes hit the stage.

Now, I've never bought concert merchandise before, usually because it's so damned expensive. But, most of the money from that shit goes right to the band, and it was relatively cheap, so I got myself a Motherfucking Killswitch Engage t-shirt, and put it over my other one. It's cool. It has a skull on it.

So, Autumn to Ashes was cool, pretty much screemo type music; their drummer sang and drummed like a banshee - he was the best part. Then, 18 Visions or something like that. They were okay. Had a cool guitarist.

Then, since Sara had been convinced by me to lose the fucking Dashboard Confessional hoody and was trying to buy a girl's sized hoody all night, came up during the break to show off her new Autumn to Ashes one. Nifty. Grant watched our shirts and hoodies the whole time, since he couldn't mosh due to jaw surgery. I love that guy. And so Killswitch hit the stage and the four of us, less Grant got in right at the front rail. Dean's such a player, he was talking to girls in the pit right beforehand. I have to learn from him.

So, long story short, we rocked it hard. The band was great and put on a typical metal show, from what I could see. They were pretty psyched, since it was their first stop for the tour. Pretty sweet stuff. The concert ended with all of us soaked in water and sweat, and we walked back in a daze to the car to change and enjoy the night. Sara had told us earlier that her mom was a nazi about people staying at her place in Strathmore (just outside the city), so me and Grant, lacking money for a hotel, say, opted to ride the GreyDog north.

We bought tickets for the 12:30am bus and said goodbye. I need to spend more time with Dean. I'll see the happy engaged couple next weekend. Yeah.

On the way back, me and Grant stayed up till about 3am, discussing reality, the illusion of choice, dreams, and all manner of deep stuff. Then, sleep! Until 5:30am when we pulled into the downtown station. We walked to Bay station and took the LRT to our respective stops. It was such a goddamn daze by then. I walked in the door to see Robb was still up from the night before, and I said hi, then crashed.

Saturday the 4th - So I slept till 4pm, woke up and felt like I had been dropped into a dumpster and then rolled down a mountain, my ears still ringing. And here I am. And, the weekend isn't over yet! I just think I'll take it easy from this point on, thank you.

And there you have it. A crazy (near) 48 hours. I kind of wish we all could have hung out in Red Deer for today, but whatever.

Thanks, everyone.

this is my last serenade

 

Sept. 2nd, 2K4:5:48pm "cycle"

And so the wheel turns. Oh look, another update! Yay!

This update is mostly brought to you by me fixing the page in terms of some of the coloring/fonts, and because the page was kinda borked in Firefox. Good old HTML and all its nuances.

Oh yeah, I guess Jess's prodding me to write stuff down helped, too. I'll have my little journal/log thingy from my trip to Vancouver the other week up and posted here... eventually... Although, I can say that the best quote from the entire week was:

"Well, it is a pretty mighty cock." (D'aww, thanks Jess.)

Other things going on... I dunno, cleaning up files, moving things around, got some other writings to be uploaded. It's all good.

Amazing how things change so much, yet not change at all. School starts on Wednesday the 8th, and I have to spend all my summer monies on tuition and books I won't read. Huzzah! It's my last term. I want to get done, get decent grades, then get the fuck out of Dodge.

Well, I hope the whole two of you out there enjoyed this, and I'll probably follow this up shortly with a late-night deep, rambling, emotional post. Take care of all yourselves out there, okay?

now I can tell you why people die alone

 

March 18th, 2K4:9:38am "patient"

If there were no rewards to reap,
no loving embrace to see me through
this tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may. And I still may. And I still may.

 

March 16th, 2K4:8:26am "lack?"

Before I get entirely too Emo, have some fun first: Jay-Zeezer.

Where's my heart? My soul? I have no idea any more.

Three women, in various stages of development: Ghost, Friend, Prospect. Who are they? Why did they come into my life, or me into theirs? I feel... empty in places, and I'm not sure what to think.

I like my life, believe it or not, I'm just not sure I like myself much anymore. Not sure I can trust myself not to hurt myself anymore, or to fuck up royally again, or to not just sink away so there will be nothing vulnerable for anybody to get into. Maybe I should just stop offering my heart to anyone that shows any interest.

Don't get me wrong, I gots love for everyone. In that 'greater than yourself' sense of love.

I don't think I want anything anymore except for serenity. Can't really count on anyone else for that, but the people that Do stick with you are some of the best. Just don't let your expectations get too high. :P

there's no love in fear

 

March 11th, 2K4:6:12am "blunt"

This is not about drugs.

I'm awake and don't want to be. I should be asleep. There's work to be done but I'm not in a state to be doing it. I have only myself to blame.

"I alone am dull."

Why do I still think of her? Why is the ghost still there? Does it even matter? Why can't I feel anything any more? I only miss the emotions for their use in writing.

It's all washed out. Like the tide. I'm sore and half-tired. And alone, a wave, no pattern. I guess we'll see, how things work out.

friday I'm in love

 

March 9th, 2K4:6:31am "sink"

I sink you are crazy for sinking into this sinky self.

I don't think I've cried for a long while, despite really feeling like it at times. Instead, I go dull, numb, a wave, like the Tao Te Ching says to be. It feels... different, and yet, doesn't feel at all. I still manage to laugh, though. And feel fear (you know, since it's the base emotion and all).

I'm not sure, but I'm getting a grasp on the greater love of existence and focusing less on the lesser love of things like the self, materiality (though I'm still a friggin pack rat), sex, whatever. It feels nice, but I'd like to know I can still cry for no reason at all. Everything can open up, and everything is ours.

Yeah, you can expect the same amount of updating this year as last year. Sorry.

I've been writing, working on things, just little things, but hopefully big things as well. We'll see how they turn out.

There's a lot to be said for synchronicity. Can a part of your soul leave and not come back, be lost out there somewhere? Can you push that lacking feeling aside until you forget about it, since you're unable to deal with it in any other way? Is one other person really all that special or impactful, or is it really just what they're representative of? All I know is that events skew themselves around my soul mate in ways I always try to not think about, but come to me when I least expect them. I don't want to consider it at all anymore. I may not be fine in my life, but at least I like it without wondering why my body, mind, and spirit cannot comprehend that chunk of wandering soul.

*koff* At least I keep making new friends. Welcome Hania. She is a crazy art girl that, like every other girl I talk to, is too self-conscious, but still quite lovely to chat with. You may say that she is captivating, but don't tell her I said it.

just like heaven

 

Dec. 19th, 2K3:7:30am "vivacious"

Hello there. You've been expecting me, I suppose, for quite some time. It's been a while. About time we sat and had a talk, you and I. We are alone here, and yet we are not.

How are you?

I'm currently losing a battle against FFXI addiction because of the WaiKhruu (that is, all my friends + one baby brother) getting it all up on the Kujata server. I'm Penemuel, the loveable Galkan Monk, eventually to be Samurai/Monk.

I will admit that the title of this post is a bit tongue-in-cheek, given that I've been reading V for Vendetta (don't tell me the ending, I'm only starting book 3!), and, as per all great works, it inspires so much... stuff. See the link at right for just a starting sampler of discussion.

I've also been reading Sandman: Brief Lives, and I can't really make up my mind about it yet. Obviously Gaiman wanted to portray Delirium and Destruction, but it feels... odd.

Oh. Return of the King. Yes, it is great, yes it is wonderful, but we'll all have to wait for the Super Fun Happy Extended Box Set due out sometime 2005, I'd gather. It is a fantastic feat of many, many lovers of Tolkien.

I have a new friend. Her name is Jessica. I do believe she's quite into me, but I am broken and wish not to relate to her in that way. Her page is linked at the bottom left. Ok, it's actually a blog, which we all know I was doing before it became the hip, stylish thing to do. Okay. I just ripped off daniel, with much less style.

It's early and I need sleep, but I don't know how much I'll get - I'm nursing a sinus cold and also reeling from the fantastic works of fiction I've been deluged with lately. It's crazy and I've got the sort of cold sweat that comes and goes and feels like a light sheen and that 'beyond-tired' weariness.

Oh yeah. I've also lost a near and dear person in my life. Will we ever touch each other's lives again? I dunno. I've learned not to expect that kind of thing, though. For a few moments there, I felt some real love, and I guess that's all you can ask for. I still think of her, from time to time.

In reading Neil's blog, and info about V, I've been trying to whip myself into writing again. There's a few novel ideas, some short stories, and of course, secret projects. There's a lot of old and new, waiting to be (re)discovered. I want to write a new short about love. We'll see how it goes. You'll all see it, I promise.

And oh yes. It's Christmas/Channukah/Kwanza/Candlemas/Etc. Holidays trying to outdo holidays. Enjoy whatever you celebrate.

I have seen the Glories of the world

 

Sept. 25th, 2K3:4:34pm "treatment"

So, I guess I really shit the bed on this, eh?

Irregardless, (is that even a word?) I'm back in school and spending half my time enjoying it and the other half asking what exactly it is that I'm doing. So I guess that's par for the course. Also! Still got the same old difficulties with women and depression and subsisting myself, trying to pretend I'm independent. Whee!

Some people say I'm like some Linkin Park kid or part of this new Emo strain, but I been done doing this for longer than any of those fags. I'm so far beyond them, it's ASTOUNDING.

*cough*

At any rate, I've updated the 'rant on' section with my First Screenplay Treatment (which is kinda like a synopsis), as well as dug up an oldie project that I forget I had even put into HTML. Enjoi!

As for me, well, I'll keep living and loving and trying and failing and breaking out even without much expectation from any of it. Take Cares

Bring the sun, or I'm gone/Or I'm gone

 

May 3rd, 2K2:3:18pm "hey"

Uh. Hey there. Forgot about this, didn't I?

Sorry about that. You know how it is. Life's going as life will.

Be careful out there.

PS - It's Free Comic Book Day!!!

like a stone

 

January 6th, 2K2:5:29am "reflect"

Yeah. New Years.

I'm sick and have slept about 14 hours and woke up and hour or an hour and a half ago and have just been looking over my compiled list of journal entries here.

Winter term of school starts in about four hours. My sinus cavities are killing me, even after the drugs. My body feels so weak and frail.

I'm kind of sad and kind of angry and kind of depressed at the frequency that I update the page, here. Hell, I say 'update', when all I usually do here is just talk for a bit and throw out some links if I can.

But despite that, I can remember each of the times I put something on here, and it feels good to remember, for the most part... and I just, I dunno, want that content pleasure I get about looking over a year and seeing more than 8 or so odd postings to sum it up. I tell myself to always remember each and every day I live, but my memory sucks, and in truth, there's far too much to always remember...

So maybe I'll make that a resolution, even though I really don't stick by yearly guidelines for myself. Maybe I'll make a big list of them right here, and hold myself to them. Not just for this year, but for as long as they take to get accomplished, or to become so ingrained in my life anyway.

  • Write something that'll get published
  • Get a degree
  • Support myself with some kind of job
  • Establish a relatively normal sleeping pattern
  • Update the site more often, or do more web work in general
  • Love this lady more and more each day
  • Make some video games :D
  • Dispose of the things I don't need, keept the things that I do need
  • Find myself (ok, that's a little generic, but it works

Not a bad list, wouldn't you say? Maybe it won't be that bad a year, after all

That reminds me, I wonder if I won that bet with my friend if 2002 would be a good year, or at least a better year than 2001 was... hmmm. I should find out

I guess all that's left in the meantime is to work toward what I want and enjoy life. All its ups and downs. It's all we ever can do. I hope at least someone reads this... or at least I read it in a year or so and can appreciate all this for what it's been. My life.

don't let me walk away from emaline

 

December 18th, 2K2:3:43am "wish"

Don't mind me, just making my only Christmas wish to be with the ones I love. That means Everyone I love, you know. Sigh. We'll see, we'll see.

I should also try to adjust my sleeping pattern back to normal... I'm gonna stay up until LotR tomorrow, that should be cool. Hope everyone gets what they really want for this holiday year. I know I'll try damned hard to get mine. :)

if it only was that easy

 

December 16th, 2K2:5:04am "raisins"

Back, and I appear to be in a bit more of a stable mode...

Why the hell am am I eating raisins and drinking pink lemonade from a sports bottle at 5 am, I asked myself. And then I decided to write an update. And I just found out the bag of delicious raisins I just opened is a bag of currants. Sigh. They don't taste that bad, though, and I'm going to go get the actual bag of raisins in a bit.

Yes, it's almost joyous Christmas time, which marks the 2nd anniversary of me actually trying to do something with this shite webpage. Maybe I'll actually make an attempt to make it more better or dynamic, or port it over to a real host with a good domain name (snicker). Or, you know, not.

Here's hoping everyone gets what they want, and barring that, something equally good and the promise of what they want to get there eventually. Spend time just enjoying the good spirit of the holidays, I guess.

LotR in two days! Yay! A mainstream movie event that Won't Suck! I'm gonna catch an afternoon show and beat the rush like I did last year.

I'm in love. No more to see here. Just wish I could be closer to her. Ah well.

Other than that, life's decent, I'm just going to bored this holiday even though I have plenty of reading for classes, reading for pleasure, and reading to get a knowledge base on making games to do, not to mention Christmas... stuffs, family, GAMES, and writing to do. Ah well. Take care out there.

merry fuckin' chri-issmas

 

November 22nd, 2K2:4:01am "sickness?"

This is a sickness...

This life we have been given is all that we have... but really, what do we do with it? What has our modern society, post-modernist extravaganza and psychoanalytical theory mixed with consumerism and neo-zen minimalism taught us? That we don't change as humans, that this human condition, human experience is all we have and we don't learn (do we have to learn?), and we struggle, and we live for our hours of pure bliss and love, but it all cycles back in on itself, keeping a strange, fucked up balance. But despite this balance, sometimes we get thrown around by the world or by our own circumstance too much and we need a change of pace, of place, of person, of skin...

I've had this burning yearning to just cut myself off from all human contact for a while... I feel I need it. I feel... congested, crushed by this life I can't help but to let in and let myself fall into. I don't hate it. At least all the time. I just need a break in a horrible, extremely bad way. Maybe go hang on a tree for nine days or wander the desert for forty days or sit contemplatively under a different tree for a few hours, who knows. Just. Something.

Meanwhile I shirk responsibility, slough off consequence and dollar bills, lose myself in my distractions, in my pornography, and what for? What indeed? I need a break is all. It's true we don't change, we can only enhance and try to evolve... but I just want away from all the rest of the passengers on this crazy ride for a bit. Is that too much to ask?

It's funny, you know. I finally arrive to a conclusion that I may just yet love someone for all of their being, but that very notion (along with my other genuine pleasures in life) is being clouded over by this much more crowded congestion and I can't help but focus on that instead, above and beyond the wonderful person I've met, beyond my education, maybe even above my other simple desires...

I don't know what I can do, though. I can't completely cut myself off unless I run and live in nature for a while... I certainly don't (and can't) want to leave this life forever, but there needs be something done. I can't just sit and hide in my room, my corner, for the duration of what I feel I need to relax and restock myself. That won't accomplish anything. Yet it's been partially what I've been doing.

So yeah, this is me venting a bit, and really wondering what the fuck I should do. Whatever it is, I hope it can take place soon, before I start to lose more of myself in this hazy cloud that seems to surround, constrict, agitate, and just causes general anxiety...

Take care all, I need to figure myself out a little better, I think.

you can disappear/all together

 

November 3rd, 2K2:1:01am "rev"

Revelations.

RIP, Wendy Calliou - Oct.29th, 2002

It's been a strange journey the past couple of weeks. I realize that it has been indeed Two Months since that last posting. Lots of stuff going on. Lots of school, of hanging out with friends, thinking about life, dealing with the rollercoaster that is thinking you love someone...

Tonight I had a revelation of sorts, though. It wasn't about anything new, or anything complex, or anything in particular, really. It was just a tying together of all the threads in my head into one, simple pattern. I think I've started on a path to greater understanding of this crazy universe. And I it's all so simple, when it comes down to it.

This epiphany wouldn't be possible without the help of school (thanks for bludgeoning the rebelliousness out of me), depression (one of my closest friends), death (we've seen each other on a few occassions), and a much more corporeal human whose name rhymes with Morgan LeFey (she sent me a flower).

What's new? I dunno. A lot. I bought a gamecube. I'll be 21 in 5 days. I've decided on a few things I want to do in life. I missed out on Hallowe'en this year, pretty much. I'm starting a new writing project with my interweb buddy Jester, and am entering a contest at the University. Life must and always still go on. And so we go.

Thinking about redecorating the page. Or at least working on my supposed 'official' one that I have with my partner-in-crime Kelster (bottom of the page). We'll see. Lots to do...

we're all connected/like a Lego set

Oh, PS - As you can see, I'm busy reading "The Hours" right now for writing class... which is going... ok. I suppose. But while looking for a link to the book, I found a link to the Fucking Movie. (Is nothing sacred?)

 

September 3rd, 2K2:1:15am "shool"

I meant to misspell that.

Well, it's certainly starting to feel like fall out, at least a little bit.

It's another changing of seasons and a changing of attitude, and a general shift in life in general. It's sad, but it holds promise, too.

Yeh, school starts tomorrow too, so there's that to deal with. :/ We'll see. Hopefully it'll be good. Gonna finish my BA and try to figure out more of what I want to do. Definitely.

Here's hoping. And to all my folks, I'm hoping things will be alright with you, too. Here's to all of us.

i won't fear love

 

August 15th, 2K2:3:17am "NWCon '02"

Time to update my crappy blog-like site that I never update! This'll be quick. Bear with me.

Tomorrow I head out with Jeremy and Tara to go to Kelowna for the night, and from there we head to NECROWOMBICON!!! OMG OMG OMG. I've waited since the start of this year pretty much for this. I'll get to meet a bunch of interweb friends in person, get to play a lot of games, and have PA-related shenanigans, too! I don't want to get overexcited, but I can't help it right now. So. I'll try to keep a mini-journal or log or something. Keep you updated. But I gotta get to sleep right now.!

OMG!!!

 

June 22nd, 2K2:10:30pm "summah!

It looks like the mourning is over. Rest in Peace, sir.

Meanwhile, it's been a while since I did this thing. It'll be a short update, seeing as how I'm working steadily nowadays... and early in the mornings.

What's new... nothing much. It's really damn hot this summer. Spider-Man and Star Wars and all the other summer movies kick ass this summer. Even Scooby-Doo! Yes. Meanwhile, Audiogalaxy has been castrated. Life goes on elsewhere.

Necrowombicon is on August 16th-18th this year, hosted by my good buddy Fatrick! Rock!

I do have another website with my friend Ryan, but we do nothing with it because we are lazy. I talk with the PA Regulars quite a bit, in addition to Mortis of Mortisland fame.

Holy Shit! I love Linda Cardellini! First saw her in Good Burger. I had no idea she played all those other people. Especially Velma. Because Velma was hot, dammit.

Enjoy your summer, faggos. I'll be getting my Limited Edition Perfect Sessions soon, anyway. So ha.

PS- Oh yeah, NeverWinter Nights is out! (you know, that game that I got to test before any other outsiders could?)

PPS- Broken Saints is fecking Awesome, albeit a little slow. Modem users, BEWARE.

Scooby-Dooby-doo/Where are you?

 

march 10th, 2K2:8:56pm "complacent"

Just right now, like at the moment, I feel... odd. Really warm and just... tiredly accepting stuff like a mild annoying headache and my real lack of focusing on anything in particular right now.

Just some free-form posting will do, then.

Lately I been thinking... I dunno. I want to get a host for our site, I want to write, but nothing creative has been flowing lately, I want to work for a living, but not at what I'm at right now. I don't want to be 1/3rd responsible for the area of my store because the other guy just got fired. I want to go to Japan. But for more reasons than other people think, or other people may have. I want to find it to be the same as any other settled place in the world. I want to see that I've been disillusioned and love it. And then use denial and wonder to keep me going, living, breathing, doing.

Sorry, no motivation to be doing a comic or anything really deep right now. I can't focus on any single page of a book, or a movie, or even whether I should be sitting or standing.

Oh well, here's a Photoshop that some of you few people that read the site may get a kick out of:

Hmm, maybe I'll work this out shortly.

Cool links... hmm... Bitter Films. Good stuff.

Here's to watching those Japanese movies I rented. :D

pretty girl with a knife

 

february 23rd, 2K2:1:14pm "strugglin'"

Ok, so maybe I'm not really struggling much at all. Just the usual Work Blahs... I... I just don't think being a desk jockey and working 9-6 all the time is for me. And I tell people this, and they're like 'yeah, work sucks, but what are you going to do...', and I can't tell them for sure what I can do. But then I play a game like Grand Theft Auto 3 and I think of what good, fun, challenging things that can be done out there, and I try to put doing that as a goal for the future. We'll see.

Coupla notes... GTA3 rules, State of Emergency... a little bit less so.

I'll be mailing out my application Sunday (e-mail and snail).

One of the Wari boys ain't single anymore. And it ain't me. Although I could tell you about it, I'd rather point you to the latest link in my 'friends' section. I apologize in advance.

Neocron, WarCraft3, and Baldur's Gate rock my sizocks.

I hate everyone that comes into my store or phones that thinks they know exactly what they're talking about and get mad at me when I tell them something different or don't know about the specifics on it. Fuckers.

Finally, this city-living is getting to me. I hang out with my roomates... which is ok... but all my other friends have disappeared. They go to the University, or work, or just don't phone anymore. I took a trip to the mall today. By myself. I am the poor, so it was depressing as all hell.

Oh well, at least there's always Ninjas around.

And Googlewhacking is always fun. I've got two already: stegosaurus jingoism, and another I can't remember.

I've got story ideas cooking in me brain as well.

hold your head up high

 

february 20th, 2K2:11:41pm "neo"

No, this isn't a 'The Matrix' themed post.

So, today was 02202002... which would be the opposite of the 2nd of this month. I wonder if that's good karma or bad... Actually, for me it was mix of both today. I woke up tired (as usual) and work was just getting me down, but then my brother showed up out of the blue with his friends. So then I had lunch (read: I hung out for an hour, didn't eat) with them, felt better, and went back to work, which made me feel worse. When I got home, I got a sweet game off of Kelster, and no sooner had I started downloading it did my Neocron Beta CDs arrive! It's pretty damn sweet. Unfortunately, I'll be getting little sleep again ;), and my package that I'm putting together for my job application won't get done until tomorrow (and I had it planned for being done last week!). And that means that I won't get any school applying done for another week. Oy.

It's been a while since I last did a comic. I will. Shortly. I've also got a short story cooking around in my brain, along with my longer one in mind.

Peace out peoples, and take care

building better worlds

 

february 16th, 2K2:12:51am "angsty"

I swear, I have so many ideas in a day, I should keep a notepad and a pen with me at al times. Unfortunately, not only do I not like to write as fast as my thoughts go sometimes, I never remember to write down that I should buy a notepad.

Site stuff... well, we're going to confirm a host Monday (God-willing), and we'll be set to start uploading stuff. Wheeeee!

Meanwhile, I was at Mark's earlier and watched the movie Pump up the Volume (Warning: Shitty Angelfire page!). It made me really wonder... where the hell were all the great, inspirational teen movies of my years? Say... 96-99. I mean, really!? Where's all the great 'grrr, we're anti-authority angsty fools,' and 'oooh fuck it, we're individuals, man!' Most of the great teen stuff was from the 80s-early 90s. What did I have? Hackers (which was more about information, etc. anyway), 10 Things I Hate About You (which I actually enjoyed, but was based off Shakespeare, and had not much 'angsty' to it), and, ummm... some guy fucking a pie. Great. If I'm forgetting something here, let me know. So, in my memory: good teen movies = no, good music at the time = yes.

It seems all I can do anymore is retract into a smaller and smaller corner with obscure likes and dislikes and tell everyone else watching the Lofters to piss off.

Oh, and too add to my depression, I found out in the last week that two great comic strip artists live in my own freaking town! One of them only 10 blocks away! Jeeeeebus. I am educated stupid and deserve to die.

Happy Lent people, I hope you're suffering too.

at night, i lock the doors

 

february 2nd, 2K2:12:01pm "slacky"

Yeah, so I'm at work right now acting all slackerish and pumping out some HTML. Thank goodness for working around computers. So, there's two new things, I guess:

1- I've been playing AO quite a lot lately. I'm amazed at the backstory they've built up and the sheer amount of things to do/see.

2- I'm not saying much here, but if by any chance, you were to stop by no-tomorrow.com, you might see something... developing.

where I wanna be

 

january 9th, 2K2:10:11pm "worky"

Well. It appears that I have some sort of a job. The new comic will explain things further. I hope. It's pretty good so far, but the thing is... I have to get up! Early in the morning! What's up with that? Ah well... We'll see how it 'pans out', as they say.

In the meantime, my holiday sickness seems to be fading away, leaving me only with clear nose good and delicious lung butter to deal with.

I should be getting to more reading/writing in a bit here... I've actually got more of my story written that I should type up. You can what I have already by by right-clicking here and saving.

What else, what else... no real deep thoughts. So just go play some chess instead.

Oh, and by the way: Those Nutty Japs

everybody say YATTA!

 

december 28th, 9:16pm "swag"

So, I got my picture taken of my swag and the list completed! Click here for the results.

I also went out and actually had a good time with my friend and my brother and his friends last night. Crazy, eh? Hmm. Oh well.

allez cuisine!

 

december 27th, 1:55am "members"

Okokok... I figure I'm up and agitated at this latest little thing, so I may as well make a short post.

So, as I login to do my update on the Tripod site this morning, the site redirects me to this membership registration page. Basically it tells me I can choose between the free service, and get reduced webspace, or I can pay for all the neato ad-free, updated super happy funfun service. So I say 'no', and stick with the free stuff.

And then after making the edit to the post below, I checked my e-mail and got this lovely confirmation notice:

Your Member Name: saviourx Your Password: ***** Thanks for joining Tripod, saviourx! Included in this email is information on getting the most from your membership.

I mean, what the hell?? I got this same notice initially 5 years ago?

I mean, this really chaps my ass! (I love that saying... so ridiculous) Here I am, using this space for 5 whole years, and they have the nerve to make me RE-register and RE-sign me up. Sounds like the work of REtards to me. Argh. I mean, I've only had the site since tripod itself was some shite company in some little shack in some town in Ordinary Joe state. Goddammit. But whatever.

You know what, MSN? I got past your stupid ad embedding before. And I'll do it again. And as for the reduced amount of space? The 20 megs instead of the 50? My account still says I have the full 50. So fuck you. Haw!

hep, hep

 

december 27th, 12:56am "holiday"

Well, I hope you're all enjoying you holy days of choice. I know I have. Except for the fact that I've been sick since the 23rd... but whatever. It's not that bad.

I can't believe I didn't even post anything about Lord of the Rings! Well. Go see it. For sure, definitely, go and see it. I liked it A LOT. What comments I have on it have been said already... mild changes, not enough time given to character development (like there could be enough time...), Arwen (sweet, sweet Liv) being two characters, whatever... I could handle that. All the critics that say more than technical stuff are just being stupid. Heh. I say all this and I still hate Harry Potter, which I've heard very little ill of. Ah well.

Christmas was very decent this year. Got a lot of stuff that I'm happy to have, and have been hanging around with loved ones. I'll get pictures of my swag later. Hope yours has been as good, or better!

Anyways, as I'm sure most of you have already heard me complain, I've realized something about this year... it kinda sucks. Sure, there's been crazily good things... meeting Gaiman, Tycho and Gabe, Cowboy Bebop, hanging at Mark's... but they just don't seem to balance out the bad or 'blah' stuff that filled up the rest of the year. So. Here's to New Years. Hopefully it will be a better year for all.

Hopefully me and Kel will get that site up now that we have some scraps of money... yay! But now, I'm going to go do some more laying around and treat eating.

edit, 1:44am: Hahahahha!!! So, about 4 minutes after posting this up, I heard a crash come from the other end of the house. So, I go to look, and there's the Christmas tree, laid out across the living room. The noise got mom and my stepdad up, too. So of course we picked it back up and tied it off with fishing line. Wheee!!!!

holding in your arms the Christ child

 

december 19th, 3:09am "rings"

I feel like it's the day before Christmas. But of course, that day's a week away. Sigh. Anxious is right. There's showings at 2:30 and 4:30 tomorrow, so without a doubt, I will be catching a cheaper matinee. For sure.

I was originally going to be going back to ye olde Court on Thursday, but now he might not go. Which means I'll have to buy a bus ticket. The last of my money on a bus ticket. And I still have presents to buy. Hooo boy.

Man, I'm not even tired right now, but I have that 'overslept' feeling. Ugh. I want chocolate. I have no money for it though. Not if I want to go see the Rings. I have no creativity right now. No motivation. What the hell? I just want to go home, I guess. Be with family and stuff. Hopefully have a good Christmas. Ahhh well....

I maybe make a new over the season here. Might be hard without my computer, but I may just reuse an old strip or something. Hah. And my project with Kelster may be getting started in the new year. He's got some good ideas for it. I... well, I'll have something. Any ideas? Say hey if you guys see me online or something. Yes. Well, that's it for now.

I still can't believe I've had this thing up for about a year now. (well, the site's been around for about 5, but still...)

the spice extends life

edit: Dammit! I knew I used this quote already!!!

i'm dreamin' of a

 

december 14th, 1:28am "spirit"

Time for my bi/tri-weekly update! Wheeee!! And guess what?? It's going to be a free-form one!! Yay! Oh, and I changed the rightbox. Finally.

Once again we find ourselves on the brink. Of another Merry Holidays, and see and think about what we've accompolished or maybe not, and wonder about futures or past or just get really punch drunk and relish ourselves with gifts and mankind, despite poverty or the cold feeling inside, or outside for that matter. Makes me reminisce. All the way back to 2-0-0-0. Simpler times back then. Last Christmas was merry indeed, home for three weeks (or was it more?). Makes me think of trying to get into all this designing stuff. Of getting into this ambient stuff. Of listening to the Pogues tell Christmas NYC style, and Napster still being alive. Such good times, I think I want to get back into it all, but of course this year is different. I'm in a different space and place, and yet poor of own device and hungry and miserable, I don't mind it all that much. Maybe it's becuase I'm freeloading right now, or that I don't care, or that I'm trying to feel this Christmas spirit like I always do. Sure enough, I'll be home for the holidays, and sure enough, it should be a welcome visit and relaxing (and fattening) enough time. Hopefully it'll get me to realize how lucky I am to be taking a free ride all these months. Maybe I'll gain some ambition. Maybe I won't shirk responsibility. Maybe. I can dream, can't I? This also brings to mind my future. NAIT's got a good web design program. Or I could actually finish my BA and go teach English in JapLand or gain some credit as a capable writer (I've been trying to write the same story since September... very slowwwwlllyyy... I want to do it, though. I want a novel.). Or I could go learn to make video games. For lots and lots of American dollars. Oh well. I think right now I'm tired but should get some rest but should write and tomorrow maybe meet a stranger from the internet or go shopping for a friend in Portugal, or look for work (haw!), or be with friends during this festive time. Yes.

PS- I'm gonna have Rings fever for the rest of the week. Hopefully all the nerd crew, plus Fath and maybe Pachan can make it up here.

i don't have any idea what's goin' on here...

 

november 24th 9:38am "transform"

This is just a quick update to say, hot damn, this thing is cool:

If I was an Autobot, I'd be:

Click to see what Autobot you could be!

Take the Transformers personality test at android5.com!

transform and roll out!

 

november 22nd 3:38am "promise"

Well, I said I'd do it, and I did it! There's a new comic up portraying my activities for the past few days. There's also a clever Castlevania reference in there for you little monkeys.

Oh, and while I'm at it, I don't know how true to take this, but supposedly 'something' is going to happen tomorrow (today?) because so-called 'terrorists' said they'll do something tomorrow. And it _is_ American Thanksgiving then, too. Let's just be careful out there, folks.

synthetic!

 

november 21st 9:33am "glazed"

Ever since Friday, life's been a blur. Of video games. I've finished Halo and MGS2. those take time and effort. Not to mention all the other games that I've been poking at here and there. Oy.

Sarah Polley was in my dream a few days ago. And I still stop to think. Why? She has a quiet charisma around her. But she's so little known. And was in my dream. WHY?!

Sleep pattern's messed. Comic up today after I sleep a bit, hopefully.

Oh, and in case I've never mentioned it before, MortisLand, for all your Squaresoft Flash-based movie needs. I met the guy this summer. Good kid.

there are no happy endings because nothing ever ends

 

november 15th 2:49am "empty"

About time for my monthly update, yes?

Sigh.

The title there says it all

I'm just not feelin' any sort of vibe, you know? Like this 'paying bill collectors' thing, or this 'get a job or starve' thing. It's just not... happening. Whatever

But in other news, me n' Kel have been takling for about a month or more on doing a project together. I've talked to some of you about it, and if I haven't told the rest of you, well, you'll find out once it's actually ready. Suspense!

Meanwhile, the act of me being twenty years old occurred last week. Doesn't feel much different. I'm a large child. A boy in a matured body (kinda ;). Gee, I hope I don't have any crises about this. *sarcasm*

What else? Bought Battle Realms. So sweet. And what with all these new games and systems coming out, my gluttenous little consumer whore side is really starting to fire up! Speaking of devout gamership, I've got my card, how about you? Also busy trying to concoct schemes to go to Japan, or at least live by doing the least amount of work possible.

I've also started to write, again. You can download what I've got so far right here (just right-click, save as). Take what you may. In the meantime, I'ma go do... something. Hopefully constructive.

is this what you wanted?

 

october 22nd 4:08am "memory"

I'm here. Don't whine.

The first snow of the year was tonight. I love this time of year. The snow further exemplifies that. There's nothing like it for the whole year, except this time right now, and the week following, maybe. It gets me reminiscing so much. The past falls. The transitions of leaves, the smells, the desperation and longing, the holidays, the birthdays, the chill, the hint of winter on the wind... but not quite yet.

It ties me in one moment with all the falls of the past. Playing Secret of Evermore. Again. Playing all the great Square games. Starting school. Going out for Hallowe'en in sweats and a winter jacket underneath my costume. Moving up the hill. Certain songs. The hazy streetlight that is so common with fall snows. My memory is extra clear at these times, and yet so... blended.

Pure. Wonderful.

A new project in the works, so the old design is back. New and different things coming for sure. Maybe a comic in the meantime. Yes.

istanbul was constantinople now

 

august 31st, 1:02am "coincidence"

Well, it certainly has been a while, hasn't it?

At least I can say I was gone for a few days this month, to other places.... One of them, most notable was the Necrowombicon where I met mucho cool people, and of course, my own personal god. Whaddya know, not all Americans are bad. These people were actually open and happy to discuss games and such. Maybe it's because we're all hopeless gamers.

To all the people e-mailing me about where I am, or what I'm doing... I'm in Edmonton, fools. Doing... stuff. I could reply to you, but what fun would that be?

So then there's today. Today I go downtown to do some banking with what little money I have (and what little I have mooched), and as I'm walking through Eaton's Center, I look over the railing casually, and who else should I see? Tarl. He has a shaggy little goatee now though, so I wasn't sure it was him, but I saw his girlfriend Wendy too, so I knew it. I guess it helps he actually works in the Center. So I ran all the way across the upper floor, down the escalator, and back to the food court. I said hey, he said he was on his break, so we hung out for a while.

Then, as I was coming back on home, right next to the Kingsway Mall, someone honks at me. I look over and see a small white car, and a big red-shirted man inside. Yes folks, none other than Josh Wiebe! (we were in a lot of college classes together)

Who knew. There's a ton of people in this city, and the chances of him finding me are pretty high, even though we both live about 25 blocks away. So I hung out with him and met up with his girlfriend (also classmates) and her brother later. We ate and went and saw Rat Race. Not a bad movie at all. Rowan Atkinson needed to have a bigger part, though.

But there you have it, two major coincidences in one day.

Other news: Incubus! They've got a new album coming out in October!! They also have tracks being previewed on their site, like their new track. It's sounds pretty great.

There's also a new comic up, gippers. Enjoy. I'm out for the long weekend.

I wish you were here

 

august 5th, 6:48am "summah"

Yeah, so I guess I'm writing about summer a little too late. But whatever. That's what I get for not updating so much.

Just to get it, you know, out of the way, there's a brand new!! comic up. Clicky the link at the top to see it. And don't ask any questions. I was coerced into making one an hour ago.

My friend Mark (good cook, animé lover, gamer) has his very own link to his site off to the left! Just don't read his comic. Heh.

Back to summer for a moment. I dunno. Too hot. Nothing going on. Okay, well there's definitely things going on, but just not in my particular small segment of the Earth. Well, there was Vancouver. Mad props and a big shout out to:

Joe and Pat (aka Fatrick)

I just feel like I reeeaaallly want it to be fall. That's my time of year, I think. Lots going on. Sheer beauty outside. My birthday. Stuff like that. Not to mention, reading all about it (and winter) in Gaiman's (pronounced Gay-men, deal with it) book has really got me wanting that crisp, chilly feeling again.

Other than those things, I dunno. Wombicon coming up. Job is jobby. Need one. Get one. Life is good, despite oversleep. Watching lots of anime.

So take care 'till next time!

the real folk blues

 

July 14th, 3:17am "scribbles"

Lately I've tried to whip myself into a writing frenzy almost. A few weeks ago, I started to write a couple sample pages for one of my big dream ideas, as in "hopefully this will be a book" idea, but then stopped. I need more research for that. And more personal experience. It will be completed, though.

I stopped for a bit shortly after the little creative burst there, and went back home and all that, but a few days after I came back, I started to look more and more at Neil Gaiman, and Chuck Palahniuk, and that just got me thinking about writing again. Then I announced this to some of my web friends, and got some great advice back. Write for the sake of writing, and don't try to be who you're not. There's already a Gaiman and a Palahniuk. I'm something else. I think. It's good to be reminded of these things every so often.

That being said, I've just gotten a crazy idea to write about in the interim. Hopefully it'll look good. Then I'll revise and send some copies out to people on der web, and let friends look at it. I hope.

In other strange places, I may try my hand at some more, new, Flash design, and I think I have a few good idea for some comics. Hope you're having a good summer! (goodness, I know that my quote may get me some odd looks, but it'll all make sense in due time)

spread your legs and bare your teeth!

 

July 4th, 2K1:2:47pm "summah"

Well, happy celebration of your bloody and violent past, present, and future, you Yankee bastards. (at least you don't go rioting and looting...)

Nick's already gone off with Bill to work for a few weeks, and it's just me, mom, and the summer. The green, green grass, and the wonderful breeze.

Could I be liking this a little too much? Maybe.

In case you didn't notice the extremely prominent and prestigious "friends" section to the left there, well, I've got some new and special people for you to meet. More to come!

Crunch time for jobby, though. I need money to go to Vancouver and Seattle.

I don't know what else to say other than I don't know what I'm doing with my life, but I love it at home during the summer... so nothing is for certain. Home. I haven't felt like this about this stupid town in a long time. Maybe it's time to look at my own grad tapes. Sigh. Enjoy the summer folks. Enjoy life even, if you are so inclined.

I just can't feel down when I think of all there is around me...

well I guess this is growing up

 

June 30th, 2K1:12:17am "nostalgia"

Once again, the return of free-form posting:

So I'm at home now, a welcome change, I must say, far away from the grit and strange smells of the city. Like after it rains. The smells that get leeched up from the ground are horrible. But not here. There is only the freshness of grass, and the full summer scent (even though it doesn't seem like summer) of green leaves in the trees.

A return for Graduation sparks much nostalgia... from own experiences to old photos. Some a year old, some many, many more. Me as a squirmy, smiling 2 year old. Nick and me playing bomb-ass SNES games. Many images. Long dead loved ones still alive, smiling away. Sure, it's creepy. But it's comforting. Home is where the love is.

A 12 year journey isn't much. No wait, hold up. It sure as hell is. Just so wonderful to see my one brother and all of his friends that I've known since they were smaller punks than me standing tall, waiting to grab their diplomas and boot the f00k on out of here. I'm gettin' all misty. Hold on for a sec. *hiccup* *sniff* I'm ok. Really! I'm OKAY, DAMMIT!! Back off!

Here's to Nick, 18, my friend and blood-bonded relative type person guy. That makes kickass Toast superheroes. Some hope. Some fear. Some joy. Take it all in. Relish it all.

Amen.

much love, fool!

 

June 27th, 2K1:11:39am "indecisive"

Well, I ain't got no money.

Mike's in town visting. He came in on the 3rd. He's an... interesting guy. Good friend.

He's also the subject of the new comic.

I don't update this site nearly as much as I should for all the time that I'm at the computer. yeesh.

The greyness and the rain is alright, but it can definitely get to a person.

Anyways, it's always fun when you don't have money, because then you start seeing more and more things that you want. Like today, for instance (yesterday?). We (the motley band of 4 we were) went down to Warp. Now usually, this is in and of itself a wonderful buying spree, or at least a looking spree... but today. Today held something extra. Not only did I peruse all the Sandman books, as well as the usual anime and RPG goodness, I found something special. While standing in a random section of the store, looking at a big shelf of big comic and serial compilations, I saw a large book with a red slipcase. Squatting down low, I pulled it out and looked at the cover. It was the compiled works of Winsor McCay. Ok, well not exactly all his works, but just the important ones. Little Nemo, 1904-1911.

Now, you might be thinking, what, Nemo the video game? No. Although that game kicks almighty ASS, that's not the case. I'm talking about the original, turn-of-the-century, honest-to-goodness first ever comic strip. (ok, maybe not first _ever_, but really, it's the only one worth mentioning) Something just stuck with me after I saw that. It's just... the magic of it. The nostalgic nature. It's like I can forego some of my own experiences, and for some brief moments, experience the different childhood that other people had when they read that comic. It's. Beautiful. The book is also $100 and is in slightly beatup condition... but I will buy it.

Other than that, I've been viewing some wonderful Cowboy Bebop videos lately. All... legally obtained, of course! Hah! Enjoy.

Yarrr!

 

June 11th, 2K1:12:27am "looong"

Hmm, I've just spent the last 24 hours straight downloading the Anarchy Online beta level 4. Ah well, I'm more than happy to take part in this kickass final version of the beta, and I think I'll get playing it tout de suite. Still though, 600megs on an unstable line from Europe... yeesh.

Eeep, I just thought of the severe consequences of playing this game... I don't think my job situation is gonna get any better, and since I'm at the edge of my credit line, that's not a Good Thing. Ah well.

In other news, Momma came here yesterday and brought me work stuff (boots, coveralls), and it was cool to see her and stuff, but she bought me and Grant dinner at the Olive Garden! Honestly, I don't know why some people would spend nearly the same amount of money and sit in a noisy, fast-food like Sports Bar, when a great dining place like that is available!! I mean, it doesn't even matter that I lost my Super Power Club hat there 6 years ago!

Oh, and finally... the topic of the new comic. If you know who the man in the upper right corner here is, and even if you don't, I highly suggest you check out his site, and his new digs here. Do it. NOW!!! I love this man. Oh yeah, new comic is up. :P

The future in your hands!

 

June 7th, 2K1:2:46am "rainy"

Yeah, it's been raining lately. I know it's helping out with the forest fires in the country, but really, the cold and the grey get to me...

Anyways, I should hopefully have a job soon, so all is well. Keep ya fingers crossed!

Writing is a beautiful thing, and I don't know, just click the 'rant on' link, and we'll see what's what, ok?

Not much else to say. 79 days to Necrowombicon, so that's all good. Peace out

gray horizon looms ahead

 

June 6th, 2K1:4:41am "scape"

Well, first things first.

A bit of a... change. Graphical experimentation is definitely good for so many reasons. Just as long as it's your own stuff you're affecting. I never claimed to be a genius at it, but I do what I like. Instead of sleeping, I decided to bring this to life.

I really like city nightscapes... no matter where I am. I've imprinted so many on my head. Even when I look out the window, I can get an eyeful of downtown under the veil of deep violet. It seems... tranquil.

Second of all: Holy Poop On A Stick, Someone Linked Me. (Mad props to the man, the myth, the legend... Mr. Ressler. Amen.)

Other than that, life is good. I think. More stuff to come soon. I hope. Until then, my friends. Just keep the night as a close companion.

so he heads for the highest rooftop

 

May 27th, 2K1:10:53am "stream"

Hey mom, I don't have a job yet.

Now that that's out of the way, I think I'll ramble on like I usually do.

First, what to do with the site? I mean, really. You people pretty much only come here because I force you to, or you're family. So what now? Do I keep making crappy comics? Make new layouts? Articles? Should I make some cheesy Flash shit and put it up? WHAT!?

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.

So what do I do, then...?

Other than that, though, I've attempted to stay up late these past few days in order to assume a relatively normal sleeping pattern, and it actually seems to be working.

I think this afternoon, I'll head down to Warp later and just browse. And salivate.

When I come back, hopefully I'll be in time for a little Iron Chef. After that, I hope to be as tired as can be and then I'll come up with some insanity for you all to enjoy.

take the L train

 

May 24th, 2K1:9:33am "syrup"

Hmm, I keep staying up later and later, don't I?

The line must be drawn here. Or wait, maybe here.

Anyways, I gots a new comic up for all you little munchkins out there. You should maybe ya know, go check it out, eh?

End of Transmission... for now.

her name is Rio

 

May 21st, 2K1:5:17am "salty"

I just ate a whole bag of crackers.

Just thought you'd like to know.

band on the run

 

May 17th, 2K1:7:25am "posession"

Howdy, Gang

Well, I appear to be quite on the job hunt now... seeing as how it'll be close to 2 weeks without a job now.

The Hire-A-Student website for Alberta is quite amazing, really. There's about 300 jobs listed there, ranging from all sorts of jobs; crappy to not-so-crappy.

There's an EB downtown that's looking for people, so I'm going to sleep right after this in order to get a fresh start tomorrow.

Still, it's quite amazing how there's even web and graphic design jobs available on that site. I think I just need to prove that I know a little about design, and that I'm hard-working and willing to learn. Then again, I guess that can be applied in all forms of employment, I guess.

Breathe.

So, yesterday (Tuesday, I guess), I went downtown to see Memento. Goooood film. I also went down there today, as well as Kingsway. Then I took the LRT to the Stadium and walked on home. (which, as it turns out, is a longer trip than straight walking from downtown to back home. It's nice downtown. Sure, there's lots of corporate scum, but whatever. Actually, I think the opening quote from the site sums it up rather well (although it could really be describing any big city center):

A whirlwind of culture, arts and business, Edmonton's Downtown is the cosmopolitan centre of the city. From heritage buildings with their robust historical tales, to the vibrant energy of Downtown's newest creations, Downtown Edmonton unites business, culture, government, the finest in dining and accommodation and of course festivals!

I'm realizing more and more how I want a digital camera. $500 for the one I want, though. That means it's job time.

It's amazing how many adventures a person can have in just a few short hours...

I would be the one/to hold you down,/kiss you so hard,/I'll take your breath away...

 

May 14th, 2K1:8:02am "reminisce"

Yay. Mom's day.

In "The Long Hallowe'en," Batman celebrates this day by going to his mother's grave, instead of preventing the inevitable murder perpetrated by a mysterious killer that only goes to work on a single holiday every month.

Why I brought that up, I have no idea. I think mom really does love it when I call her and she's trying to sleep.

Anyways, as for today. It's been a long day. It still will be a long day for this Monday. Interviews and business meetings. Aieee.

What's that? Business meeting, you say? Well, yeah. Some friends are hiring me to do their webpage for them! Mmmm, experience... portfolio...

But back to today. I bought a tape converter for my old camcorder tapes (seeing as how we lost the other one), and proceeded to watch all my old footage. Everything from about 1998 to last summer. Good stuff. The memories are really great. Skateboarding. Making dumb movies. Filming stupid, senseless shit. I love how we were offbeat like that. Normal kids would vegetate in the basement on a summer night (not that we didn't usually), but we would have a huge session. Or film something. I need to keep all that good stuff rolling.

Ahhh, somnia memoria.

I was meaning to get a new comic up (I've had this idea in my head, lately), but I haven't yet. Soon. Live life and enjoy the memories.

POPU PIE!

 

May 5th, 2K1: 6:03am "cinqo"

Well folks, it's el fifth of May here... which means... absolutely nothing! HAH! Actually, it means that we're going to celebrate with a brand new article! Check out the article section for the update. Nothing says "Mexican Holiday" like Canadian Politics. (finally, a special guest writer... seriously, it's not me)

I was going to get a new comic to you, but this took way too damn long in the first place. I'll be moving to the city on Sunday, so I have that to look forward to. So on a parting note, Final Fantasy opens in 72 days!!

find your old classmates! online!

 

Copyright Ben W. 2K1-2K4, foo

Listening:
Neil MoFuckin' Young | Classic Rock

Reading:
Perdido Street Station | Deadhouse Gates

Playing:
GTA:San Andreas | Civilization IV | Final Fantasy 6

Feeling:
Creative, Spaced Out, Contented