My Bold Vision for a Bold Future 05/05/01
The Man of The Hour
Dear friends, as has been well documented by the press (cough*bastards*cough) in the past month, our party, the Canadian Alliance party, has been having some growing pains. And not the funny Growing Pains, like with Alan Thicke and Kirk Cameron, either. Inner turmoil within our party is tearing at the seams of our fledgling Alliance, threatening to tear it asunder. Many believe that I am unfit to be leader of a federal party, that I ignore advice of veteran politicians and instead rely on my goofball son or my younger, ignorant MPs. Well, they’re just jealous. The kids love me, and I love them. I’m young and hip, and the old cronies in Ottawa hate that. …hold on… What’s that, Logan? Oh yeah- word to your mothers!
But I digress. Recently I was given a seven day ultimatum to come up with a plan for the party, a plan to lead it into the future towards the next election. I wholeheartedly agreed with this, as the best-laid plans are always thought up in less than a week under heavy duress. So I went to work. I locked myself in an office with a typewriter, several sharpened pencils, my trusty thinking cap, my son Logan, 28 year-old virgin Jason Kenney and someone who may or may not have been Rahim Jaffer.
A plan must have a strategy. A GOOD strategy. Yes, a good strategy was definitely important. I knew that for sure. And so I rested. It was a good start. I decided to take the next six days to visit my family.
During my short vacation, I consulted with my family. Finally, the day before the party meeting, while eating lunch, I finalized the plan. I wrote it on a napkin, then scanned the napkin so I could present it in a spectacular $25, 000 Power Point presentation.
The Key to Making Our Nation Great
Needless to say, my plan went over well with the Canadian Alliance caucus. I have overwhelming support. Every member supports my leadership. Everyone who is still a member, anyway. The Canadian Alliance is on solid ground, we are ready to take the Liberals on and hold them accountable for their nefarious deeds.
Remember, Jesus hates liberals. Think about that.
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